In the Age of AI, Authenticity is King (or Queen!)
Emperor Charlemagne, Public Domain
To make an impact, accept the fact that some people won't like you.
The first time I cam across this was in a funny place: a dating guide by Mark Manson. If you don't know Mark, you might have still heard of his 2016 book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\\K.
Here's what Mark wrote in Models: Attract Women Through Honesty way back in 2011:
You cannot be an attractive and life-changing presence to some women without being a joke or an embarrassment to others. You simply can't. You have to be controversial. You have to polarize. It's the name of the game. And getting good at the game is learning to open yourself up enough emotionally, learning to express your honest self enough and be comfortable enough with your vulnerability to take those embarrassing moments with the moments of passion. A willingness to polarize is not easy. But it's necessary.
Back when I read this in 2014, I—a certified "nice guy" who thought I could get people to like me was either trying to read another's mind or having a few drinks—always stuck with me. The idea you have to polarize is not something that I would take to heart for years afterword, but it's something I always remembered. It took me a decade of practicing and then facilitating Authentic Relating before I realized that being vulnerable, emotionally open, and willing for people to dislike you is the key to being memorable.
This is not about attracting women. It's about people getting you—the real you, the you who maybe sings in the shower, collects stamps, hates Friends or has never seen Star Wars. It is this differentiation (the aspect of you which is different from the "norm") that your people will gravitate to.
Why AI doesn't give you the visibility you want
Look at what AI does: it reads 10 trillion words and then spits out what is the most likely next word. It is literally taking the average of all that content to analyze what is statistically the most likely next word. The result is really "nice"—and completely the opposite of what is polarizing. Sure it can create polarizing content, but it's still done in a "nice" way.
And it's not authentically you, no matter how much you massage it.
Not that AI doesn't have its uses. Use it for workshopping an idea (I do). Use it for getting different perspectives (ditto). You can easy use it for cleaning up grammar (although personally I prefer to let my mistakes shine through). I've heard that it's a game changer for rearranging a book's organization. But if you outsource your thinking to AI, you may get more followers, but you'll be hiding what makes you unique.
And if they're not attracted to the real you, they will leave as soon as the next person saying the same thing comes along.
I love what Ethan Hawke just shared: AI IS BORING
An AI's "hot take" is not a hot take. It's a boring take. It's taking other peoples' ideas and calling them your own.
How to swim upstream from the AI-building masses
This is the place I usually share some best practices.
- Make mistakes. Both in real life and when creating content, you really never know how something is going to land. Often the thing that you judge about yourself is exactly the thing that others love about you. (See also, Madonna's tooth gap)
- Be your unique rebel. I'm still surprised that people think I'm cool. No one thought I was cool before age 40. What changed? I stopped trying to fit in. It's ironic that the more we try to fit in, the more we don't. Just like in marketing you are told to find your niche, relationships thrive when
- Give people the chance to reject you. One of the greatest gifts I received is having people reject me. Damn it's hard. But I realized that I can either try to be "a good boy" and people won't remember I exist, or I can be myself and people will be upset I exist. That's just how authenticity comes out of me. For you it might be completely different: maybe you are so intrinsically likable that everyone will love you; but then there will some annoyed that you're so perfect. You cannot get away from turning on some people and off others.
- Let your freak flag fly. Even if that you are freaky normal (remember normcore?) In the world where tattoos are normal, the person without tattoos is the rebel. Look at how geek culture has taken over, which was totally frowned upon when I was growing up way back in the 80s. Even D&D, which I used to play and am getting into again, is having a resurgence thanks in part to Stranger Things.
- Learn about your unique design. Human Design that is. It may seem odd that a process that groups people into 4 different "types" can help to be different, but it does. When I do a reading, I find the most impactful learning is not something new about themselves (although this is true), but rather that they are given permission to actually be the person they secretly know they are. I'll write another article. Until then, visit https://freeguidetoflow.com to learn your unique design and begin to let go of who you think you are and to relax into who you actually are.
Build authority on top of authenticity
I'm not going to lie, I'm still working on creating my authority for 2026, so I'm not the perfect one to tell you how to do it. But I feel good about the first step: figure out what is your WHY. And if you haven't yet watched Simon Sinek's TED talk, do it now:
And after that read his book Start With Why. There are likely copies in the library.
And then write your own. I'm still working on mine, but here's what I have so far:
To free every person from the pressure to conform so we each do the right work with the right people.
I hope you can see how this why is the basis of this and everything I write. I want you to be authentically yourself. And when you tap into this, you become magnetic to the right people, and together can build / guide / whatever you do without the stress of trying to be what you think others want you to be. Focus on being the best version of yourself.
I would love to hear your why and what makes you unique. Leave a comment and subscribe to stay in touch.